Change can be good.

Since my last post, not much has changed. I still feel terrible. I struggle to get through each day. Some answers have been found. I do not have Lyme Disease or Diabetes. My cholesterol level, thyroid, kidney and liver function are fine. What I do have is a reeeeeaaaaalllllly low level of Vitamin D. Could this contribute to the headaches, the fatigue, the dizzy spells, the achiness? What I also have is high blood pressure. Okay, that could also be a contributor to my symptoms. I have been prescribed 50,000 units of Vitamin D a week. Yes you read that correctly. 50,000 units a week. I have an echo cardiogram on Tuesday. To say I am nervous is an understatement. I know it is an easy test but to even be talking about possible heart problems is very scary. I also have a stress test scheduled for Friday. So, what has all of this talk of high blood pressure and possible heart problems done for me besides completely stress me out, wishing for a life long supply of Xanax? It has given me the drive to take care of myself. I have two beautiful children who need me. I have started making healthy choices. I started grabbing a piece of fruit instead of a bag of chips. I started parking the car at the far end of the parking lot instead of driving in circles looking for the closest one. I learned that you do not know what it is like to really feel badly until you really feel badly. Do you know what it is like to struggle to get out of bed in the morning or to load the dishwasher at night because your body just hurts? Because you feel like you have been awake for days? I am not in my comfort zone. I am not comfortable in my own body. The only one that can change that is me. No doctor or family member or friend can do that for me. I am the only one who can do that for me. My first week of completely changing my eating habits helped me to drop 4.5 pounds. Nobody did that for me. I did that. For the first time in my life I know that I am making these changes not so I can look good or be able to tuck in my shirt but so that I can feel good. So that I can share life with my kids. I hate not feeling good. I hate not being able to keep up with my kids. And lets face it, if you don't feel good, you don't "do good".  I am making the change. I want to feel good and I want to do good. And I don't want to just be able to keep up with my kids, I want to be side by side with them sharing life's adventures, life's challenges, life's successes. So goodbye 4.5 pounds. It was not nice knowing you and you are not welcome back. Ever. This is change that I will not regret. Ever.