I am still here. Kind of.

I swore when I started this blog that I would keep it updated, I would post at least twice a week. Well, life happens and as a result, that biweekly post did not happen. I have so much to talk about, to show, to reveal, to question.  These past few weeks have been a whirl wind of various sorts. I have been challenged and I have been tested. I have been sad and I have been happy. I have laughed and I have cried. As I sit here reflecting on events of the past few weeks, I wonder how I have not crashed and burned. I have been able to function, barely. I have been able to be a mother, barely. I have been able to be a wife, sort of. When it all comes down to it, I have done just enough. No more. No less. I hate that. I want to be more than just what is expected. I don't just want to, I need to. I find myself struggling with certain decisions, of others and of myself and am having difficulty making my own decisions. How did this happen? Where did this come from? I said to a friend the other day that I realized something was wrong when I noticed that I was having trouble handling simple situations. This is not me, not who I am. So what do I do? Close myself off from the world. Sleep for two days. It was a temporary fix. So now I learned avoidance. Great. Here is my vow to get moving, move forward, be that mother I strive to be. Be that wife I promised to be. Find solutions. Get answers. Make decisions. I need to. Just let me start with a few of these. They always make me feel better!