No more screwing around!

For those of you who know me, you know I can get a little anxious. Okay a lot anxious. I put on a pretty good show of having my shit together, of having all of my ducks in a row, of being Wonder Woman. Until this past weekend. Something happened to me. I fell apart. I completely unravelled. In public, while engaged in one of my favorite things to do. Before I knew it, my chest was pounding, my pulse was racing, my world was spinning. Panic attack? Allergic reaction? Heart attack?  For God's sake, I was scrap booking. Not a good time for me to lose my cool, to stop functioning. As I snuck out the back door with my sister-n-law and a couple of good friends in order to avoid the room of 40 or so scrapbookers, all I could think was I need to get to the emergency room. I need to fix this stabbing pain that is ripping into my chest. I was not thinking of anybody else. I admit it. Is that bad? An EKG, chest xray, blood work, elevated blood pressure and I am sent home. All tests are normal. But I still am in pain I tell them. Here lady, have some Vicadin and go home. I am told I have Pleurisy. Seriously? I am thankful I was not having a heart attack but I also know that a diagnosis of swelling around the lungs due to a virus does not seem right. Two days later, the chest pains, the dizziness, and add on a horrible headache. All still present. I call my doctor, who gives me another EKG in the office, which is normal.  Yaaaay! The blood pressure is still too high. Way too high. You need to go see a cardiologist she tells me. We need to get a better look at what is going on before I think about treating the high blood pressure. Whaaaat?  Aren't cardiologists for old people? I am only 39 years old! What is this stress test and echo cardiogram you speak of? Fasting blood work. Don't eat or drink after midnight and go get blood drawn first thing in the morning. My mind is spinning. The last thing I knew, I was chatting with my friends, cropping pictures of family day trips and special moments with my family and now I am in a doctors office talking about heart doctors, high blood pressure, and blood tests. Deep breaths Becky. Deep breaths. Don't let that anxiety knock you off of the examination table. As I drove out of that parking lot I decided something. This is a bunch of bullshit. And it is going to stop. It has to stop. I am too young to be discussing heart conditions, high blood pressure, and oh yes, I forgot to mention, Lyme disease. I followed orders. I fasted and went to the blood drawing station. I waited for the cardiologist to call. I did my part. But that was not enough. I need to do more. I need to take care of myself. I will show that cardiologist I do not need him. It starts here. I am going to take care of my body by eating right, dropping some weight, exercising. I have to. I have to for me. I have to for my kids. It is 5 days after my visit to the emergency room and the only answers I have are the ones I gave myself. I have yet to hear from any cardiologist and I have yet to hear any results from the 5 tubes of blood that were drawn. I realize that I can not sit and wait for others to figure out what is wrong with me, to fix me. I am the only one that can fix me. A friend of mine said to me the other day that my journey starts here, once and for all. I love that. Here I go, on a journey to take care of myself, once and for all.